In the corner shadows I could just about make out her shoes, but I knew she was there as I could her the snuffling and quiet sniffles emanating from the charcoal gray tones she had chosen to take refuge in. I walked slowly, deliberately calculating my moves, not wanting to scare her further.

“Hey there, you ok?” I threw it out as a blanket.

“Nope.” Sniffle.  ”I just want to stay here.” Snuffle.

“Oh, ok. Well are you sure? It’s kind of uhh dark over there, and I really can’t see you that well.”

“I’m sure. It doesn’t matter, no one ever sees me anyway.”

“That’s not true, I’m here now, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, after how long…”

“I didn’t know you were waiting.”

“I’m always waiting.”

“Well I’m here now, are you sure you won’t just give me your hand, you don’t have to come all the way out.”

A pale, small hand divides the murkiness and shoots out blindly. I grasp it and cover it with both of my warmer, older hands and pray to all that’s good in the world that she can feel the warmth and hope I want to wrap her up in, like an old coat, to keep the chill out of her soul.

“So you want to talk about it?”

“It’s just scary out there. I– people keep hurting me. I can’t trust anyone. I’m — it’s so lonely here.” I can make out the faint gesturing of a hand placed over her heart.

“Hmm… well I’m not going to lie to you. It’s going to be a bit scary, and people might still disappoint you, and loneliness is part of the equation too, but I can promise you that it will get better, and there are joys, and fulfilled dreams beyond your wildest imagination just waiting for you out here. I know it’s a lot to ask, but maybe do you think you could maybe come out now?”

“But who’s going to love me? Don’t you understand, who’s going to be my family? Who’s going to take care of me?”

“You’re going to learn to do those things for yourself, and with time you will see that what you think of family now, is not the family you are meant to have, who is meant to really love you.”

“I – I can’t come out. Nobody wants me.”

“I do. I want you.”

“You do?”

“Absolutely.”

“You promise it’s going to be ok?”

“I swear it.”

“Ok, I, I think I’ll come out now.” I pull her hand gently towards me, she comes shuffling out, shoelaces undone, hair askew. Her brown eyes rimmed with un-shed tears, face blotchy from a previously runaway tears. I enfold her into my arms and let my love encompass every pore of her being.

“I’m so proud of you,” I whisper through gritted teeth and a constricted throat. “Thank you for being so brave and coming out.”

She shrugs off my embrace, defiant as ever and inspects me closely, interperting, analyzing every line of my clothing, every wrinkle in my face, the very air around us, testing my words, my intentions with each breath, and blink of her eyes.

“Are you ready to begin?” Hesitantly she puts her hand in mine, and then resolutely tightens her grip, and suddenly I can breathe again. “C’mon Little Becca, your life isn’t here anymore, it’s every thing that’s waiting for you out there,” and together we take our first step into the deliciously soothing sunlight.

***

My loves… I know it’s been a bit since the last post and I’ve been pretty quiet on all social media fronts, well in everything in general.

I’ve been going through a bit of a rough time lately, just life deciding to reach up and bite me in the ass like it normally does, and I’ve been distracted, introverted, cranky, sad, reflective, angry, exhausted, etc.

I was talking to a good friend the other day about a mutual childhood friend she’d recently reconnected with that I really DID NOT CARE FOR. I had my list of reasons, all very petty and silly, but after a heated text conversation I came to the startling realization that I, ME, was the issue. Well not the “present” me but the “past” me, or “Little Becca” as I refer to her. I needed some time to think about, and mostly LET GO of things in the past that I was bringing into the present. I needed to coax “Little Becca” out and convince both of us it was going to be ok.

I guess the above is kind of how it went down, but in my head Kate Winslet narrated the entire thing, so it sounded very proper and heartwarming. I know this is kind of a crazy mish mash of thoughts and feelings, but it’s where I am.

Be kind to yourselves Snarkdoodles, we’re going through the ringer in one way or the other, and sometimes we have to turn inwards to continue to press on outwardly.

Next week I promise to bring you Conversational Monday, a beauty tutorial and something that will make you pee your pants with funny.

Until then, be forgiving to your “little” self, and those around you who utterly love and adore you.

xoxo,

Becca

(DISCLAIMER: I am about to embark on a beauty adventure, if this isn’t your cup of tea, please check back later, otherwise let’s get our girly squeals on and continue…..)

Ok… so it’s time for a confession mmkay.

Come closer, just a little bit clos- wait too close…

Here we go…

I am: A Product Junkie.

There I said it, it’s out for all the world to know that I am obsessed with beauty products of all types including make-up. By obsessed I mean I have drawers and drawers full of the stuff. I’m not even sure why I have so much product most of the time, because generally I find a favorite and then stick with it for years…

But the idea of something newer and better and shiner, well my friends, I cannot in good conscious pass that kind of stuff up. Not at all. Imagine my utter glee and squeals of delight to find that Asian Cosmetics are starting to make a huge break-through here in the Good Ol’ United States of America. I recently found out about Asian beauty products by being utterly useless at work and “Googling” a whole bunch of nothing which lead me on a wild goose chase for the ULTIMATE BB CREAM.

But what is BB Cream you say…. well my loves, I’ll tell you right here and now that BB Cream is PERFECTION IN A BOTTLE.

Ok, it’s not quite that miraculous, but it IS GOOD STUFF! BB Cream (which stands for Blemish Balm) is known for it’s moisturizing, pore reducing, light coverage, anti-wrinkle and SPF wonderfulness! Originally invented in Germany by dermatologists for patients who had intensive facial care treatments and/or surgery, it made its way to the masses in the far East, namely South Korea, where both male and female actors and models alike cannot get enough of the stuff, and it makes up 13% of Korea’s overall cosmetics market. Recently there’s been an explosion of American made BB Creams from Clinque to Garnier, but for me, I went straight to the source and ordered up some good ol’ Skin79 BB Cream in Pink for my first go around straight from Korea (thank you Amazon.com).

What follows next is my review and photos of the Skin 79′s BB Cream Pink Label. I was neither contacted or paid by the company for this review. I purchased this product and the other products featured myself and these views and opinions (and God Awful photos) are solely my own.

Here is the Product, and if you’re as girly as I am about Pink and Glittery things the packaging couldn’t be any better…. The actual product has a gel like texture to it, and a little bit goes a very long way. About 1/2 pump does the trick for me.  This is one of the lighter BB Cream shades made by Skin 79. I also have Skin 79 BB Cream in the original Oriental Gold Label, which is darker and provides much more coverage, but I prefer the lighter look of the Pink Label for every day wear.

Skin 79 BB Cream Pink Label

Next up, a swatch of the cream on my hand for comparison. Note that while the BB cream shows up with gray undertones while you apply it, after about 5 minutes or so of oxidization (air hitting your face with the product on) the gray tone will be completely gone and you will be left with a very flattering and well matched shade to your skin.

Skin 79 Pink Label Swatch

I've rubbed in the product on the far left...

My apologies for my lobster shaped hands…

Here is my scary looking skin BEFORE BB CREAM.

(I apologize for any temporary blindness or turning into stone, now….)

EEEKKKK! (and yes one eye is bigger than the other)

Right Side. The redness is not so bad here.

Left Side. I have very red skin, it's just really sensitive.

I won’t bore you with the details of how to apply BB Cream: it’s basically like applying foundation and I like to use (clean) fingers to help really work the product in. Also note, I used Smashbox Photo Finish Primer first to create a nice silky palette to help the BB Cream adhere to.

Smashbox Photo Finish Primer

And here we are, the “after” photos. You can see how a lot of the freckles and pigmentation are less noticeable. This is with one application. If you let “each layer” properly “set” (about 5-10 minutes drying time) you can build the coverage as much as you’d like.

Yay! (except for that stupid piece of hair sticking up)

Right Side

Left Side (and my best side)

Me hamming it up for you....

Another way to get extra coverage with the BB cream is by using your fingertips to gently “pat” in extra product where needed. Now depending on your activities for the day you can simply be done at this step, or if you need a little longer lasting wear, use a simple powder or mineral foundation to buff into the skin to help “set” the BB Cream. You could also layer on your favorite concealer to further hide any imperfections you don’t want to be seen. I used NYX concealer in Nude to hide my horrible under eye circles.

For this look I also used Bare Escentuals Mineral Foundation in Fair, and did my eye make up, which if you’re interested is a tutorial for a whole other time.

Left Eye

Right Eye (it's actually really hard to take a picture of your eye)

So snarkypoos, give me your thoughts on BB Cream… have you tried any, if so which brand, and how was your result? If not, would you be willing to try? Please feel free to send me an email with any further questions you may have… Do you like this little beauty segment, would you be interested in more?

Have a fabulous day snarkbugs!

xoxo,

Becca

PS Here’s a list of references for further reading about BB Cream if interested…

http://www.elevatemagazine.com/e.features/article.php?id=557

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BB_cream

http://thelook.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/10/10986968-the-8-best-bb-creams?lite

http://imabeautygeek.com/2011/11/21/bb-creams-what-the-newest-beauty-craze-is-all-about/

http://www.totalbeauty.com/content/gallery/best-bb-creams

So sometimes I sit down to write a post and I sit there, and sit there, and sit there, and sit there, and well I stare at a blank screen begging me to fill it with lines of code, waiting to be transformed into text, and sentences and cohesive thought…. but  honestly, sometimes there’s just not much to write about.

HONESTLY

No one wants to know about the silly (not funny) argument I had with the phubster, or that I also literally took my daughter screaming and kicking to school, or that my son punched me in the eye the other night while he was sleeping…

And so today I’ve decided to offer up some poetry.

What’s that you say– you have no idea what this po-of-the-tree is that I’m talking about

OR

That I even know what poetry is… but guess what my lovely snarkdoodles, unbeknownst to you, I am quite the poet! I’ve had some pieces published in anthologies and I’ve been writing poems most of my life. I often don’t share them because I think they’re too silly, or don’t make any sense, but thanks to some encouragement from a great friend (and my other husband @wcdameron) I’ve decided to share a little bit with you…

So please enjoy.

But just for legalities sake: All information and material posted on this Website are subject to copyrights owned by its author. Any reproduction, retransmission, republication, or other use of all or part of any document found on this site is expressly prohibited, unless prior written permission has been granted by the author. All other rights reserved.

Half a Second

Where the wind caresses the tops of the tallest trees

standing on tip toe

the stars shoot to their highest peek

stretching their arms open wide

and the stillness within me is a quiet deepness

I bask in

I find you there

in the depths

in stratosphere

your touch

tethers me to this precise moment

here

where I end

and somehow we begin

The Weight of Spiders

Every unspoken word between us is a weight I bear upon my shoulders

until I am hunched over

wrought with indecision

lingering thoughts

wrapped in silken threads

pulling me everywhere

knotting up in my stomach

tripping me up

tumbling forward

until I drown under their desires

our own cast aside

until you brush aside the threads

and suddenly

I am free again

Do you have a secret talent, a hobby you also work on that you think is silly or not worth sharing? I can tell you right now, that even if it is silly, you get an “A” for effort and I’ll definitely pat you on the back for the show and tell… so spill… what you got up your sleeve(s)….

I know, it’s been forever right…. Just when I promise you that I’m really going to start posting consistently and all, I go and dive off the deep end and take a two week silence… Anyway, I’m back for the moment and all ready to tell you about my weekend…

I went shopping with the phubster and most of our conversation went something like this…

Me: I really like this one.

Ph: I don’t. It’s way too soft.

Me: Exactly, it’s like floating on a cloud…

Ph: More like sinking in mud.

Me: Just give it some more time you’ll like it…

Ph: No, I won’t.

(twenty minutes later)

Ph: Now see, this right here, it’s perfect.

Me: Only if you think the floor is perfect.

Ph: You’re over-reacting, just lay here quietly. You’ll see.

Me: No way. This one is just so not right.

(30 minutes later)

Ph: Well what do you think of this?

Me: I don’t.

Ph: What do you mean.

Me: It’s just, just way too hard.

Ph: That’s what she said.

Me: Oh My GOD. You did not just say that.

Ph: Oh but I did.

Me: I give up.

Well if you haven’t guessed yet, we were looking for a new mattress, and I tell you, I haven’t been in and out of that many beds since…. well we don’t have to go there do we…

The bottom line is: we still haven’t found one. The fundamental problem is that I like a soft mattress, and apparently the phubster likes to sleep on planks of wood. We can’t agree on what’s comfortable for both of us, and aside from getting two separate beds and going all Lucy and Ricky up in my boudoir, we’re really at an impasse, and not sleeping very well.

This week’s Conversational Monday brought to you by my dysfunctional sleeping habits. So, what I need is advice… got a mattress you love, or hate? How do you find the just right one so that both parties involved are happy, OR do I pull “a happy wife is a happy life” card?

Do chime in…..

After all, I make for a piss poor Goldilocks…

It’s Birthday week around here, as in it’s MY birthday week!!! In fact, my birthday is tomorrow. We don’t need to go into details about how old I’m going to be (22 sounds about right) or anything trivial like that… All we really need to do is stick to the facts:

1. Periwinkle blue is my favorite color

2. I like sparkles

3. I also like Coach

4. I’m a sucker for a good reisling or moscato

5. When in doubt I’ll take truffles (the chocolates)

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way… this week’s Conversational Monday brought to you courtesy of the phubster’s gift to me…

Late Friday Night…

Me: Hey… you hear that?

Ph: Hear what…

Me: That’s right nothing….

Ph: You’re sort of odd aren’t you

Me: That’s what she said…

Early Saturday Morning

Me: You know what sounds ideal…

Ph: What

Me: A bubble bath

Ph: So do you want me to make you one?

Me: Heck yeah….

After the bath

Me: You know what we should eat?

Ph: what

Me: Sushi

Ph: Ok, let’s go.

Me: Awesome.

After Sushi

Me: You know where we should go?

Ph: Where?

Me: Target and maybe Wal-Mart

Ph: Ok, let’s go.

Me: Fuck yeah.

That night…

Me: Wow, it’s eerily quiet.

Ph: Obviously

Me: I could really get used to this

Ph: That’s what she said…

Sunday Morning

Me: I guess we have to go get them don’t we…

Ph: Yeah that would be for the best…

Me: I’m going to miss the quiet

Ph: No you’re not, you know you miss them

Me: Yeah you’re right… it was a bit too quiet

Ph: Don’t get melodramatic now

Me: Whatever…

What the phubster did for me was farm out the kiddos for the weekend, so we had a nice quiet house, wherein I didn’t hear any screaming or crying for mommy for a blissful 48 hours. I even got to eat what I wanted, go where I wanted, and do stuff that I actually wanted!

And the best part was I even got to go to the bathroom by myself, and bathe by myself.

I know most of you are insanely jealous with envy.

A gift like this is hard to compete with, but still I feel it’s only fair to let you try…

Come visit me tomorrow when I happily turn 22! (That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)

xoxo,

Becca

It seems to me that I’ve been having a lot of “incidents” lately. And by incidents what I really mean to say is that my clumsiness is at an all time high what the broken foot, shoes trying to kill me, shifting patterns in wind direction and all…

But I suppose I really shouldn’t be surprised by this since…

This one time I tripped and fell over an industrial sized trash can.

In all fairness it wasn’t really my fault. I was innocently cruising around my college campus when the most amazingly gorgeous, fell out of the sky off of Mount Olympus demi-god looking guy crossed my path. And by path I mean I caught him out of the corner of my eye.

Naturally in a situation like this there is only one plausible outcome… you must turn your head, open your mouth and stare.

Most people though, would actually stop walking.

As we all know, I am not most people.

I continued walking, head turned, mouth open and of course did not notice the giant gray behemoth in front of me until my left foot had already caught the right outer edge and with my head still turned I began my downward decent yelping, “oh fuck!”

Needless to say not only did the demi-god stop mid stride to watch the fall, I also managed to knock over the trash can and was treated to half its contents falling out all over my lower back and legs.

There may or may not have been some snickering.

When I finally felt significantly less humiliated I got up, shook off the trash and high tailed it back to my dorm not to emerge again for two whole days.

I never did see the demi-god on campus again.

Lesson learned… those who are easily distracted fall often.

Learn any lessons the embarrassing way? Do share… I’m feeling lonely down here on the pavement.

I don’t know about you… But I’m all for supporting boobs……..

Welcome to the first annual Whose Boobs – Bloggers for Boobs web event! What began as a rowdy and innuendo filled Twitter conversation has turned into what we hope will be a successful campaign to raise both awareness and donations for breast cancer in women AND men. For the next month, we will be raising awareness by raising our shirts and probably some eyebrows.

From now until April 15th (what a way to wrap up tax season), we will be accepting donations that go directly to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, offering merchandise for sale with proceeds going to NBCF, and posting pictures of all who choose to enter the drawing for the GRAND PRIZE at the end of the event.

So how do you enter? What do you win? Good questions!

Four Ways to Enter:

1. Submit a picture of your tatas, breasticles, moobs, melons, boobs, etc.
**Breasts must be covered by at least a bra (ladies) and FACELESS! Breast Cancer doesn’t care who you are!
**Pictures will be posted on our Whose Boobs Picture Pages!
2. Follow us on Twitter! @bloggers4boobs
3. Buy some merchandise! Show your support by sporting the gear!
4. Share your support on your site by adding our button!

The Prize
Aside from knowing you helped make a difference, if your name is drawn you will win:

• A handmade scarf by Becca at I’m Pretty Sure That
• Whose Boobs 2012 Tshirt
• Whose Boobs 2012 Water Bottle
• Whose Boobs 2012 Magnet
• $25 Gift Card (your choice: Amazon, Target, or Barnes and Noble)

Let the fun begin!

Pictures can be submitted to Bloggers For Boobs. Names will not be posted with the picture. The winner will be notified via email and announcement on this site.

If you would like to write a story about how you, your family, or a friend have been affected by breast cancer, we would love to include that story in our event. Let us know! Look for more activities as the month moves forward.

For now….. Check out Picture Pages to see our entrants! Or go grab some gear!

Are you ready to raise your hands, raise your shirts, and raise awareness? Let’s get started!

Follow us on Twitter @bloggers4boobs and keep track of all of our shenanigans!

Want to know who likes boobs…..

Liz over at Flourish in Progress… (thanks for your support!)

 

Sincerely,
Becca of I’m Pretty Sure That
Bill of The Authentic Life
Angie of Angie Uncovered

So Conversational Monday how I’ve missed you…

If only I had some witty repartee to delight my readers with but instead here is the conversation I’ve had on repeat for the past two, going on three weeks…

Hobbling into the fine establishment that is referred to as Costco…

Random Woman: So… what happened to your foot?

Me: I broke it.

RW: Oh really, doing what?

Me: I just tripped.

RW: Oh. (Clearly disappointed and walks away)

Me: (thinking to myself…. well screw you too lady, don’t walk away from a cripple!)

At the Target…

Cashier: Wow that foot looks painful!

Me: Yeah it can be.

C: What’d you do to it?

Me: I broke it.

C: How’d you do that?

Me: I tripped.

C: Oh. (clearly disappointed)

At our favorite restaurant…

Waiter: Hey wow, what’d you do to your foot?

Me: I broke it.

W: I bet it hurts.

Me: Yeah it does.

W: How’d you do it?

Me: I t- well funny story– what I didn’t know is that my husband’s buns ARE actually made of steel… (smirking from ear to ear)

W: So what happened?

Me: I tripped.

W: Oh. (clearly confused and disappointed).

At this point in the game I’m thinking of just making a sign that says:

Yes, my foot down there is: BROKEN

I TRIPPED.

Please delight me with you disappointment and utter disdain.

The phubster says that’s a bit drastic…

I say living on blunt edge of a sarcastic fuck you is living dangerously, and I am addicted to danger….

(ok no, I didn’t actually say that….)

So what conversations have you had lately that are st-st-stuck on repeat?

Save me… please.

This is a collaborative piece that was passed on to me Bill at The Authentic Life.

Let’s watch creativity happen right in front of our eyes! The first and final sentence of a short story have been provided, and the rest will be created by people in the blogosphere.

Each person nominated will write one sentence, and then pass the baton on to a different blogger. The 9th person will finally link back to Kid in the Front Row which is where this started and then we will have a complete story. I have chosen Jen over at ”Jen” e sais quoi to write part 5, then she will nominate someone to do part 6, and so on, till we return to The Kid again! *** Unfortunately my lovely Jen was eaten alive at work and while I am still grieving over this tragic loss, Angie at Angie Uncovered has agreed to step in…. Check her out!

1. Angela was convinced that her pencil was the friendliest pencil in the whole entire world.

2. His hue, alone, revealed his sunny disposition, and with his pink chapeau perched high on his head, the pencil gladly accommodated or cleaned up any missteps regardless of their intentions.

3. But Pencil could not be sure of Angela’s intentions as she nervously held him while scratching a check mark in the “Yes” box on the note that Becky passed to her in Geometry class.

4. Angela chewed away both her and the pencil’s nerves throughout the rest of class, leaving almost imperceptible dents near the silver cylinder that housed the pencil’s eraser, scarring him indelibly.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10. “That’s why I’m the friendliest pencil in the world,” screamed Pencil, the pencil.

Check back here for an update on how the story goes!

Every year I am amazed at one thing on this day.

I have a daughter.

I have kept her alive for another year.

Growing up I was firmly ensconced in the idea that I would NEVER, EVER have children. Not a one.

Fate, God, Destiny, whatever you want to call it decided something different. Oddly enough it wasn’t until I had the Little Monster that I realized how incomplete my life was without her.

Dear Little Monster,

Today you are five. You have graced mine and your dad’s life with so much humor and light. You are precocious, chatty and fiercely independent. With the addition of your little brother the Crybaby you have become a doting but jealous big sister. With the same hand you use to put a band aid on his knee you also push him out of the way; but I can tell with your hidden gentleness and unexpected acts of generosity that you truly love him which just about makes my heart burst into glittery hearts and unicorns.

You love to dance! You have a natural rhythm and love for this past time and spend most of your free moments choreographing complicated routines to music only you can hear. You also like to sing but honey, as much as I love you, I don’t ever expect to see you on American Idol. I will however be sitting front and center for You Think You Can Dance as you win over America as much as you have won over me.

You are not too interested in school as you are so SOCIAL and without your best friend in your class this year you could care less about whether or not you attend. You are very good at pretending to be sick and having stomach aches.

You love to watch the cooking channel! Most nights I tuck you in and then let you watch Chopped before bed and you are happier than a bug in rug!

The relationship you have with your grandmother continues to bloom and the love you have for each other is incredibly special. I hope you cherish and remember every moment you spent with her in the kitchen cooking, folding laundry, going out to lunch and having fun.

Amerie, princess, you are LOVED beyond any description I could hope to ink. For a long time I thought being with your daddy was enough, that I would feel whole and complete; but it wasn’t too long before I started looking for other things to fill up the small hole that still remained in my heart and soul. The harder I looked and tried to fill it with things, the more I realized that nothing could fill that hole, and the sadder I got.

On the day you were born and I held you in my arms I realized with sudden clarity that you alone were meant to fill that hole as it was exactly Amerie shaped. You completed me entirely.

I hope you continue to grow and be delighted by everything that life has to offer. Never stop laughing and just being you.

I hope you dance continuously in theaters, and hallways, bedrooms,laundry rooms, and family rooms filled with love.

Love,

Mom